Dating advice for nerds with low self-esteem

I typed all this up for a kid on Yahoo! Answers, but it ended up being too long.


Question
the way to learn the way to get the gals to like me more?
Ive been dating this young lady for a few weeks, nevertheless I do think her appeal is fading for me. So how do I become the woman's to be able to such as me more

Answer
well that all really depends on what you're doing. You need to provide more background information, but I'll give you a few basics:

- Women like men with confidence. If you're acting insecure she'll think of you more as a puppy than a potential breadwinner. Exude your confidence by trying new things, making jokes and just having faith in yourself.

Confidence also shows though in appearance. Don't slouch, squirm or constantly make nervous gestures like drumming your fingers, biting your nails, running your hands through your hair or bouncing your leg. She might end up seeing your nervous signals and think you're either A, a drug addict, B, ADHD, or C, completely not interested in her.

You have to look comfortable in your body language AND your clothes. Don't wear pants that are too tight even if they look nicer; you're going to be fidgeting and she's going to think its because of her. Don't button your shirt to the top button or wear an awkwardly tied necktie unless that's your usual thing. She's going to be able to tell those things. Try to wear something somewhat stylish that you're still at home in. Stay completely away from clothes that are shunned in public. Even if you're talking about how you have 18 million in a hedge fund and own a yacht she's only going to be concentrating on the fact that you're wearing suspenders.


- Women like men with a sense of humor. Make jokes, but not creepy jokes. Don't make literary puns unless you have prior knowledge that she would understand or appreciate those things. Don't use pickup lines like "I wish I could be your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves" even if she WOULD get it. Don't tell dirty limericks on the first (or second, or third) date.

- Women don't like to feel intimidated. Be witty and intelligent, but don't spend all day looking things up just so you can toss around some scientific or political knowledge. You want to make her feel like she's your intellectual equal, not inferior.

- Find the things you have in common, and use these to your advantage. So you both like quirky silent films? Find a theater in the historic district that shows a film you might both enjoy. Do you both like aquatic sports? Animals? Collect the same or similar things? Are you both bibliophiles? Devout Catholics? Anything. We each have so many interests that it almost impossible to find someone that doesn't have anything in common with us. You're allowed your individuality of course, but you have to have an open to grow some kind of bond, and shared interest is perfect.

- Don't lie to her, at all. Even white lies will come back and bite you in the ass, so don't do it. I'm sure telling her that you ALSO ran the New York Marathon will impress her at first, but two days later when she asks you to fill a position on her relay team she's going to know you lied, and she's going to be pissed.

- don't spend all day talking about your ex. Unless she's a priest, she isn't interested in hearing your full life's confession. If you feel it needs to be brought up, especially if you have some common ground (you were both left recently for someone more attractive, for example) then go for it, but don't turn a potential good time into a tear-fest. She probably has plenty of her own drama and doesn't need yours too.

- Don't be creepy. There are a lot of things a new guy can do to creep out a woman. Don't tell her you like lurking in dark alleys or that you've had murderous thoughts. Don't give her the details your scariest nightmares. Don't tell her her hair smells nice, or she has cute feet. If you have a fetish, she probably doesn't want to know right away. I understand you'll be looking for similar interests in a partner, but even someone who might entertain the idea later on will be put off by you saying "I really like to wear diapers."

- Try not to look like a loser. If she asks, "Where do you live?" and you respond "In my mom's basement," you're going to look like a complete loser, no matter WHAT the circumstances. Talk about the circumstances FIRST. "I wasn't happy at work so I decided to go back to school. I'm in a master's program, so for the time being I moved back in with my folks." Oh, okay, fantastic. Now you look smart, sensible, career-driven and potentially wealthy in the future instead of just being a loner spending his nights in his mom's basement downloading naked pictures of Megan Fox.
Also, don't snort when you laugh.

- Don't spend all day pretending to be interesting; focus your time in being interested in HER. Not just her boobs, I mean her personality. If after the first three dates you're still iffy about her personality she's probably not right for you. Focus on things you like: the way she tells a story, the way she jokes around. Consider exploring some of her interests. Is she a certified scuba diver? Awesome, try that out with her sometime, as long as you're not afraid of the ocean. Again, don't lie to try to impress her with your openness to new ideas. If you're afraid of the ocean, or heights, like I said before she's going to figure that out pretty quickly.

- Try to read her cues. Most girls are not going to want to get busy on the first few dates, but you might come across one who does. Assume that you're going to be at bat and nothing else. Maybe first base while you're on her porch thanking her for the evening. Let her make the decisions, but don't wait for them to be completely obvious. If she wants you to round second base she isn't going to just grab your hand and place it on her breast. Women aren't that literal. If her breast touches your arm briefly while she's reaching for the popcorn at a movie, don't assume that's a come-on; women aren't that subtle. Wait for some middle ground like prolonged contact, frequent eye contact or gazing, smiles or biting her lip when you meet her gaze. All that usually means sexual tension.

- Don't take a new date too seriously. A lot of guys don't, but if you don't date much you might have problems with this. If this is your second date, don't refer to her as "your girlfriend." Don't talk about her to your friends so much that if you run into someone she's never met they instantly know who she is and recognizes her. If you're going out casually, dress casually. Don't lavish gifts on her right away for no reason. If you bring a $50 bouquet of roses or a diamond necklace for your second date she's probably going to be more weirded out than impressed. Don't be overexcited just because you're with a girl; she'll catch onto that. Wait until the point where she can be sure that your happiness and gifts are because you think she is special, not just because she's the first woman to talk to you in two years.

Lastly, remember you can't make a girl like you. You can follow all these steps perfectly and she might still climb out of the bathroom window halfway through dinner. Sometimes no matter what you do or say things just aren't going to work out, and its tough at first but eventually you'll find someone perfect for you.